Sad New Year..

I left him.

Yes I left him when I reached to my limits. He rejected the new start. He asked for a new start. I thought it over first then I said yes. But he rejected it.

He wanted me back again after I had decided to move on. I wanted to move on since he did not want a new start.

When he begged me to have me back, I said too late.

Yes too late for everything. Everything has shattered into pieces. The road to the heaven is destroyed by him. Hence, it was already clearly impossible to walk on the road.

He lost me. He lost everything abt me. He only has many shattered pieces left by me.

I got my wings back. I could fly again. I was reborn as free as a bird. I could feel myself flying into the sky and breezing against the wind. It felt so good. Really so good.

By the time he realized, it was already too late for the amendments.

He broke my heart into many million pieces that were too tiny to pick up. I already gave up. I could not redo the same old past love flame. The flame of love was dying away already.

I lived in fear of him. Very fearful of his temper and outburts. Hence I could not tell him about his faults, etc. I was really so much in fear of him.

That’s why I made the harsh decision to leave him. He begged me not to leave him. I was really so determined to leave him. Really so determined after what he had done to me.

"I will always remember how it used to be 

You thoughts were to make me hurt 

You always told me I was the one who was too much 

You found yourself and got off on making me feel pain

And there's no way to change this shattered heart

Cause the memory I have of you still tears me apart

And it's been this way since time began

It's a desperate search for a promised land

And the years slip by like so much sand

So many people like me are dying to live

It tortures my heart I have so much to give

I never saw it as a ME before

To win the fight there has to be more

And there's no way to help this shattered heart

Cause all these fears will one day tear me apart

And it's been this way since time began

It's an endless journey, it's the fate of this woman

To live each day and never understand

And it's been this way since time began

It's a desperate search for a master plan

And the years slip by like water through my hands"

~ by sassybaby79 on January 3, 2008.